My knees became a subject in 2013.
Before that, they had been knees. They bent, straightened and occasionally objected after a long day. I did not consider this medical information.
The pain became harder to ignore after gardening and longer walks. Standing up after sitting on the floor took more planning. At Millbrook, I began using the handrail on stairs even when nobody was behind me.
Alan said I should see the doctor.
I said it was probably age.
‘That’s still allowed in the surgery.’
I made an appointment.
The doctor examined both knees and asked when the pain was worse. I gave a full account because I had waited several months and wanted the delay to look well researched. The conclusion was mild osteoarthritis in both knees.
Mild was the important word. I held onto it.
I was given advice about keeping active, strengthening the muscles around the joints and using pain relief when needed. I was also told that symptoms could vary.
At home, Alan asked what the doctor had said.
‘Wear and tear.’
‘Anything else?’
‘Exercises.’
‘Will you do them?’
‘I’ve only just got back.’
He did not ask again that day.
The exercises were simple and repetitive. I did them for a week, missed two days, then restarted. I preferred walking because it felt like an activity rather than treatment, though too much walking made the pain worse.
The bungalow had no stairs, which now seemed a better decision than it had in 2004. The garden was smaller, but it still required kneeling, bending and getting up again. I bought a kneeling pad with handles and resisted calling it equipment.
At work, I became more likely to take the lift when carrying files. I also became more aware of which chairs were too low. This knowledge was not useful to anybody else, but I acquired it thoroughly.
I continued working, driving, shopping and seeing family. Ruby was one and required adults to spend time near floor level. I managed this by choosing a chair and waiting for her to bring things to me.
Alan noticed when I was in pain and offered help in ways that allowed me to refuse it.
Sometimes I refused.
Sometimes I gave him the shopping bag.