The public version is that Alan died suddenly at home in December 2021. That is true and enough for this entry.
The first weeks afterwards involved calls, forms and people explaining procedures. Claire made a list of organisations. Michael dealt with the car and checked the bungalow. I supplied dates, account numbers and the same explanation several times.
Some callers accepted that Alan had died after one sentence. Others needed a certificate, a reference number or a different department.
One company asked whether the account holder was available to speak.
‘No,’ I said.
The woman began the question again, more slowly.
I told her why he was not available. She apologised and transferred me.
The grocery shopping took adjustment. I bought the usual amount for the first two weeks and had too much bread, milk and fruit. Claire took some home. After that, I wrote a shorter list.
People brought food. I was grateful, though several dishes arrived in containers that had to be returned to the correct person. Claire labelled them. She had inherited that part of family life from me and improved it.
I stayed at the bungalow. Claire suggested I could go to her house for a few nights. Michael offered the same. I said I would be better at home.
I said I knew where everything was.
I had appointments most days. Registering the death. Speaking to the funeral director. Sorting papers. Answering messages. When there was nothing arranged, I found another form or made another call.
Alan had managed the utility accounts and most household repairs. I knew this in general. I learnt the details afterwards.
The boiler was serviced. The car insurance had to be changed. The outside light had already been repaired by Michael.
At night, Claire rang to check that I had eaten. Michael sent shorter messages asking whether I needed anything from the shops. I usually said no and then remembered something after he had gone.
I had not decided what to do about work. Millbrook had told me to take the time I needed. That was kind, but it did not tell me how much time existed or what I was meant to do with it.
By the start of January, I knew I was not ready to return full time.
I also knew I did not want every weekday to be unplanned.